With ‘TOP SPOT — ANOTHER DIMENSION’,T.O.P Finally Speaks Out
For his debut record, T.O.P addresses the traumas he endured over the past decade and, in quieter moments, wonders if he even deserves a comeback.
T.O.P in a promo image for “TOP SPOT — ANOTHER DIMENSION”
T.O.P’s new album – surprisingly, the first of his career – opens by addressing the elephant in the room. In 2017, T.O.P overdosed on anti-anxiety medication and woke up in the ICU. That same year, he was arrested for smoking marijuana, which is illegal in Korea. At the time, T.O.P, whose birth name is CHOI SEUNGHYUN, was a member of BIGBANG – one of K-pop’s biggest groups. His arrest and overdose derailed his career and led to a hiatus. Then he disappeared.
For a long time, no one knew what T.O.P was up to. The years following his overdose and arrest were quiet. He became obsessed with outer space and was selected for a moon trip that was ultimately canceled. Last year, he returned to the public eye with a starring role in the sequel to Squid Game. But when TAEYANG and DAESUNG joined G-DRAGON for an award show comeback performance in 2024, T.O.P chose to skip out. Their return to Coachella this week, the group said, would also not include T.O.P.
“Self-Crucifixion”, the opening to TOP SPOT – ANOTHER DIMENSION, then, seeks to address what happened in those years. “You can keep acting up online in little ways. My fame is high, I’m ready to die,” he raps, both referencing being canceled by the Korean public and his overdose. “Tangled knots, the scarlet letter of my sin, I’m a silly boy,” he admits, referencing the novel The Scarlet Letter, where a protagonist is publicly shamed and humiliated for her sins.
But the most jarring part of “SELF-CRUCIFIXION” comes in the second half as a montage of news clips detailing the whirlwind decade T.O.P lived through, with a constant refrain calling T.O.P “the controversial idol”. The track ends with a clip from a notoriously concerning livestream T.O.P held in 2020. “What am I doing these days?” he asks, his voice drained of energy. “I’m making music.”
Two years after T.O.P’s personal struggles became press headlines, another member of BIGBANG brought even more shame onto the group. In 2019, SEUNGRI was named and later indicted in the massive Burning Sun scandal. Burning Sun blew the lid off the Korean entertainment industry – the men involved were so vast, their crimes of sexual misconduct and assault were so disgusting, that anyone even lightly related to the perpetrators almost bore the scarlet letter, too.
Burning Sun makes BIG BANG’s legacy something fragile and, at times, uncomfortable to discuss. The group only released one song after SEUNGRI’s exit, and he was an active member for the entirety of their career. It is only recently that the remaining members began to reclaim the group’s name.
T.O.P and NANA on the set of “STUDIO54”
The most striking part of TOP SPOT – ANOTHER DIMENSION, then, is when he addresses the complexities of that history head-on, beginning with “Studio54”. The track’s Korean title might be more accurate, though: “완전미쳤어!” – “I’m going crazy!” Indeed, T.O.P embraces unhinged visuals in the music video where he dances with the idol NANA, formerly of AFTER SCHOOL, both wearing bright, cartoonish outfits set against spiraling backdrops. NANA, sporting a red bobbed wig, is the real surprise star-turn here: Like T.O.P, NANA is known for her beauty. She is, by many standards, still a top-tier visual in K-pop, but I love her playing against type and embracing the wacky, Warhol-esque imagery; a real funhouse mirrored version of Ginger Rogers to T.O.P’s Fred Astaire.
I see strange, sad similarities between the two as well. A few months ago, NANA was the victim of a home invasion. She defended herself and her mother, who sustained serious injuries, by subduing the man until police arrived. But after the robbery, the perpetrator sued NANA for attempted murder and assault. Next week, NANA is scheduled to testify against him.
Perhaps NANA, like T.O.P, understands what it is like to have your life ripped apart because of your fame. “Something feels very wrong here,” she wrote on Instagram as she faces down a trial for self-defense. She, too, has had to be braver and stronger than many will ever understand in their lifetime.
TOP uses “Studio54” to make the most direct comments on his time in BIGBANG. He raps about choosing to leave behind fame, trading his Prada shoes for Vans. But he looks back on his time with the group fondly, rapping, “I’m so sorry, but I loved my twenties BIGBANG.”
The line that received the most debate and speculation, though, comes at the end: “Dirty sun, dirty sun, they just ruin my soul/ That’s why I got New Moon inspiration.” For the majority of “Studio54”, T.O.P raps in Korean. But these lines are delivered in English, perhaps, so that no one can mistake what he is saying: Many fans believed that “dirty sun” was a reference to the Burning Sun scandal, but I wonder if, rather, the shame and filth from all of T.O.P’s trauma feels all intertwined. After a while, it seems, T.O.P associates it all – the fame, the drug use, the scandals, the horror of learning who your close friend truly is – as a parasite.
For a long time, it seemed, T.O.P associated music with trauma. “This weird-ass world, videos, new posts, ‘When will you come back?’ he raps on “A SMALL FILTHY SHOW WINDOW”, sounding exhausted, but admits, “It's still awful, still awful.” The song’s title refers to the product T.O.P felt he was being sold as an idol, and the discomfort he felt having to perform as one. And yet, there is real tension as he grapples with making sense of the parts he loved and the bitter aftertaste of what’s left. “I’m sorry, but I loved my old days in BIGBANG,” he says in a line that rips straight to the heart.
Throughout the album, T.O.P struggles with whether he can, or if he even has a right to, come back to music. Take this verse from “SMALL FILTHY SHOW WINDOW,” which is one of the bleakest on the album:
“You grew up on my music, so I'm scared/
Now I'm starting new/
My mornings are stained with shame from the past/
Back then, I cried and cried alone.”
On many tracks, his voice is weathered, perhaps from years of smoking but also because he sounds genuinely exhausted and nervous.
Yet there are moments of real levity, too. After several tracks recounting heavy topics, “ZERO-COKE” sounds sparkling, even if the anxiety sticks around. “I really need somebody,” T.O.P repeats in the final verse. Loneliness is a common theme here: On “For Fans”, T.O.P admits, “I’m scared of getting bored, scared of myself.”
In T.O.P’s lyrics, space is less about outer space and more about his need for distance – from those who hurt him, but mostly from himself. T.O.P uses moon and sun imagery sometimes to plainly write about the depths of his depression. Other times, it is an attempt to get actual physical space. He retreats from public life and wonders if he will ever have a place there again. On “FOR FANS,” he asks, “Why do I feel uneasy?” and admits,“Sometimes I’m afraid we might lose each other.”
When G-DRAGON made his return with “HOME SWEET HOME”, a single that featured DAESUNG and TAEYANG, he included a line that many believed was written for T.O,P: “I missed you a lot, you’re welcome back home, wherever you are.” T.O.P didn’t respond for over a year. But I hear TOP SPOT – ANOTHER DIMENSION as his one and only statement for why he wouldn’t participate in a BIGBANG reunion. The timing is apt: Last weekend BIGBANG played their first set together as a group in over a decade. T.O.P knew that fans would wonder why he didn’t participate. Perhaps, he could sense, too, that they would be concerned about his mental state.
This album, then, feels like a declaration: T.O.P doesn’t want to revisit his past. His time with BIGBANG will be left in his twenties. Some history doesn’t need to be repeated.
